Donald Trump is Running for President
And so it begins . . . After THREATENING to do it in the last few elections, DONALD TRUMP finally pulled the trigger yesterday and announced he’s running for president. His slogan? “Make America Great Again”.
Not surprisingly, he said a lot of STUPID, INSANE things that HE thought were AWESOME. Here are some of them:
“This is beyond anybody’s expectations. There’s been no crowd like this . . . Some of the candidates, they went in. They didn’t know the air-conditioner didn’t work. They sweated like dogs. They didn’t know the room was too big, because they didn’t have anybody there. How are they going to beat ISIS? I don’t think it’s gonna happen.”
“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best . . . They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”
“[Obamacare] . . . costs are going up . . . and deductibles are through the roof. You have to be hit by a tractor, literally, a tractor, to use it, because the deductibles are so high, it’s virtually useless.”
“Our country needs a truly great leader, and we need a truly great leader now. We need a leader that wrote ‘The Art of the Deal’.”
“I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created. I tell you that.”
“I like China . . . I just sold an apartment for $15 million to somebody from China. Am I supposed to dislike them?”
“I’m using my own money. I’m not using the lobbyists. I’m not using donors. I don’t care. I’m really rich . . . that’s the kind of thinking you need for this country . . . It sounds crass. Somebody said, ‘Oh, that’s crass.’ It’s not crass.”
“Somebody said to me the other day, ‘But, Mr. Trump, you’re not a nice person.’ That’s true. But actually I am. I think I am a nice person. People that know me, like me. Does my family like me? I think so, right.”
“I would build a great wall [on our southern border], and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I’ll build them very inexpensively . . . And I will have Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”
(Check out the full speech here. Here’s Stephen Colbert mocking the announcement.)
Everybody Panic: America Could Run Out of Corona This Summer
The most popular imported beer in America is Corona. We drink 10% more of it than we did just five years ago, and it’s become one of the top five beers in the country. And that could cause a problem: We might actually run out.
The company that produces it in America says the demand is so high, they might not be able to meet it . . . so by the end of the summer, it might be tough to get Corona.
So stock up now, then GOUGE your friends in August by charging $15-a-bottle. What? Is that NOT supposed to be the takeaway from this story? (Yahoo)
A Man Damages 10 T-Shirts at a TJ Maxx With a “Sex Act”
TJ Maxx has become a multibillion-dollar company by selling clothes that are slightly damaged. So maybe this guy was just helping their inventory?
A 27-year-old man in Bolton, England went to a TJ Maxx last week . . . and started PLEASURING HIMSELF behind some clothes.
But someone spotted him, and called security to report a, quote, “sex act.” By the time they got there it was too late . . . he’d reached the moment of completion and he damaged TEN t-shirts in the process.
He was arrested for outraging public decency. And we’re assuming that TJ Maxx is trashing the shirts . . . even though they trade in damaged clothing, we’re guessing THAT type of damage is just too much.
We should point out that in England, TJ Maxx is technically called “TK Maxx”. Who knew? (Bolton News)